I keep falling into the trap. I have no idea why because I know the true answer! Im officially fed up with myself. Why can’t I just believe the truth? But instead I chuck myself to the ground. Not this again. Blah. I know I can overcome it. It’s useless to feel this way. I’ll be praying the rest of my night. I have schoolwork pounded on top of me, so it’s not like I’ll be getting sleep tonight anyways. I was supposed to be a good example. I was so happy. And it wasn’t the happiness that fades. It’s still in there. It’s not the happiness you can loose. I shouldn’t be afraid to be me. Even though yeah, I’ll be judged. I shouldn’t even care. He made me, me. So why the heck would I hesitate?! This is me rambling. I should learn that it’s best for me to shut up. But it’s not like that’s ever going to happen. I have too much bottled up. And I feel even more packaged when I talk to people. So that was a mistake. Im just gonna shut up now. I’ll delete this later. I’m sorry if you bothered to read this. Even though you’re probably sitting there thinking “Why the heck did you post it if you’re apologizing about someone taking their time to read this?” Yeah hah I don’t know. Maybe to see if anyone’s listening? To see if it’s worth it? I dunno.
I’ve had so many dreams.
I’ve thought of so many possibilities.
I cannot stop dreaming.
I’ve tried; I’ve tried hard.
They keep coming.
I’ve written.
Writing helps me breath.
It’s my oxygen.
——
It’s absurd how much I think throughout the day.
I wake up and
all of a sudden an explosion of thoughts appear in the little head of mine.
Maybe I can’t
process some of these thoughts because they do not enter my mind clearly.
Hah, I probably have too much hair. There’s no room for them to enter.
^^These are
all quite useless thoughts. I completely forgot what my point was.
A song by The Beatles just came on.
I’m smiling.
Hah, I’ve
smiled a lot lately.
It turns out that everything really did happen for a reason.
All the crying, the wondering.
All that stupid pain.
Happened for a reason.
It only made me stronger.
And now I can sit back and laugh at it.
I can smile at how it ended.
——-
I feel like something amazing is about to happen.
Psh, I don’t know what. But He has something planned.
Something beyond my dreams.
Beyond my imagination.
I must decide to be happy with my life. What’s the use in hating it?
I mean really, what’s the use in hating a life you were blessed to receive?
I almost lost
my life… Crazy, huh?
I almost lost it.
But God saved me.
How could I dare take advantage of that? Jeez; we’re so selfish.
====
I lost track of my direction on this rambling spree.
No one reads my blog anyways.
So, eh,
whatever.
——-
Hey, you.
My Invisible
reader, you want to know random facts?
ALRIGHT COOL.
- I have really curly hair. Sometimes I think
it’s going to wake up and attack me one day. In these pictures, it actually
looks tamed.
- I love reading. I’m a huuuge nerd. Yep.
- I steal my brothers clothes. Hah, not gonna explain that one.
- In this post, there’s a random picture of my new boots. I’ve already worn them out. There’s a small possibility I’m in love with them. No one expects the little short girl to wear these things. Hah.
That’s what makes it fun.
- I love smoothies so freakin much. Does that need an explanation? ..Nah.
- Okay I’m done now.
See ya, Invisible Reader!
^^^ Imma pro- rambler.
THAT’S RIGHT.
*sigh*
..bye.
Do you know what I want for my birthday?
To see my handsome, traveling, wise, intelligent brothers.
For my sweet sixteen, this is all I want.
But, it won’t come true.
If you’re reading this bro, I love you and miss you guys. Think of me while you explore:)
If we ever feel unloved, we must remember, that God will forever love us. We are always on his mind. Always. His love is unconditional for us. The love of other humans, doesn’t even matter. Simply because we have the love of God. Do not feel lost, do not feel alone, do not feel weak, for our God can make you strong.
You’re not alone.
You’re not lost.
You’re not weak.
You. Are. Loved.
Always remember this.
Gods love is unfailing!
I’m just going to smile.
Simply because; I know everything will turn out okay.
Yes I may be hurting.
I’m hurting a lot.
I’m quite tired of crying.
“This will strengthen me. This will strengthen me.” These words are repeated in my head while I try to hold back the stubborn tears trying to push through. But, this isnt worth my tears. I don’t mean to sound prideful, but I deserve better than this. I keep being put down. And for once, its not from myself. Im down, deep down into the ground because someone decided to throw me into the hard floor. I’m being told I’m not worth it. I’ve been cussed at, and blamed for gossip. But i just didn’t reply. I’ve told myself, that she can think whatever she wants. She can think the worst of me.
I’m not sure I care anymore. Only God, and I know what is true.
And what is false.
I know i cannot be completely innocent. No one is.
But I promise, I didn’t do the things you’re blaming me on. I promise.
I will ignore the horrible things you put towards me. And I will smile. Simply because I know…..everything will turn out, just fine.
God is in control.
Nothing can break His strength.
Nothing…
I want to have confidence without feeling proud. The only reason I become proud is because I’m trying so badly to hide my guilt. When I have confidence, I feel guilty. When I feel insecure, I feel like I’m searching for attention. Sometimes I feel like I should go out with a dark outfit on. Without makeup; while being silent the entire day. Just so people will know I don’t want attention.
Dear Best Friend,
We haven’t talked in quite a while. I miss you; I miss the friendship we used to have. Do you remember me? Do you remember my existence? We used to be so close Best Friend. Oh, we were inseparable. What’s the matter Best Friend? Did you simply forget our past? I remember our trip to the Unknown World. We were surrounded by so many people, and we became lost in the crowd. Yet, you and I were the only people there. Our hearts felt the existence of no one else. Your breath was my breath, and your trust was my trust. I’m writing you this letter because I want you to remember. I need you to remember. Won’t you just realize that our friendship wasn’t just anything? It meant something. I’m still your friend, and you’re still mine.
Love, the Dreamer
“Hi stranger, do you remember me?
Do you remember my name?
My existence?
I miss you.
And I hope your doing great,
I hope your finding who you are.
And no, I don’t mean who you want to be,
I mean who God made you to be.
I miss you.
Not only your face,
Your smile,
Your obnoxious laugh,
Your horrible singing,
But I miss your heart.
I haven’t seen it in a while.
Why ya hiding it?
It doesn’t like that hole its sitting in.
It can’t breath.
Why don’t you want it to breath?
Don’t you want what’s best for it?
Well, Daddy is waiting for you.
Just around the corner.
No, no.
Look PAST the harsh memories,
Look PAST the doubt,
Oh that doesn’t matter right now.
It’s gone.
It’s old.
Look into the new.
Daddy is waiting for you!
Are ya gonna let your heart free?
Are you gonna let it fly?
Let it soar above all of your little problems?
All of your absurd beliefs?
Do you know what I think?
Nah, you don’t like to listen to me.
I’m just the little, naive girl.
Ohhhh look at you Stranger,
On top of that mountain,
Your gonna fall!
So, fall!
It won’t even hurt!
Cause Daddy can make you fly!
Daddy can make you soar!
When your about to CRASH to the dirty floor,
Look up,
Look into the glorious light,
Daddy will catch you!
Daddy will save you!
Don’t you remember, he saved me!
Daddy saved MY life, why wouldn’t he save yours?”
Ohhh Stranger,
Look at you,
Your grinning,
But it’s only for you,
Wheres the true happiness my friend?
Where’s the true joy?
Well, I have to go.
I must listen to Daddy.
But just know,
He’s ready to feel your heart!
He wants it so very badly.
I love you Stranger,
And I hope to see you soon.
Cut your hair,
Let those green eyes shine,
Cut the doubt,
Let that big heart show.
Love,
the other Stranger.”
‘Never be discouraged due to the corruption of our society. Always remember that God illuminates ALL darkness. When we are scared, He is standing above us, protecting us from all vanity. Never give up; because there is still hope. No matter how hard it gets, or how horrible this world seems, don’t worry. Don’t get angry. Do not become upset. God is in control of it all. He CAN overcome the darkness. His children are like lightbulbs to His everlasting lamp. The lamp that shines onto the heavens. Do not let this lamp burn out through distractions, or disbelief.
Blind those who can see darkness.
Stay strong. You have no reason to feel weak; for we have everlasting strength.’
‘No more hiding little bird,
oh thats what I just heard,
no more hiding little bird,
you have so much to say,
so much to be heard,
no more hiding little bird,
find who you are,
become stronger everyday,
no more hiding little bird,
the answer isn’t very far,
you’d be amazed at what you could do,
no more hiding,
always remember your plans can follow through,
there is always hope for those who do,
no more hiding little bird’
